Listening is an essential skill for making and keeping relations. Success comes a little easier because you hear and understand people. You know what they want and thus are better able to provide. Listening is a commitment and a compliment. It's a commitment to understand how other people feel, how they see their world. It means putting aside your own prejudices and beliefs, your anxieties and self-interests, so that you can totally understand the other person's thoughts. It's dangerous not to listen! You miss important information and you don't see problems coming.
Listed below are twelve blocks to listening. Everyone uses listening blocks and a few of the ones listed here will be familiar to you. Take this opportunity to become aware if the blocks you use and practice eliminating them from your normal listening methodology.
Comparing
You are constantly trying to assess who is smarter are more competent -- you are the other person. You don't hear much of what's said because you're too busy seeing if you measure up.
Mind Reading
You don't pay much attention to what people say in fact you don't believe anything you hear. You are constantly trying to figure out what the person is really saying based on voice inflection and subtle cues.
Rehearsing
You focus all of your attention on preparing what you are going to say when the person stops talking. You will look interested in the conversation but you're actually rehearsing your response.
Filtering
You only listen to pat of what a person says. You will monitor a conversation to determine if someone is angry, unhappy or if you're in emotional danger. Once you are sure the communication does not contain any of these items you mind begins to meander.
Judging
You prejudge someone and thus you don't pay attention to what they say. It is best to make a judgment call after they have completed their conversation.
Dreaming
Someone says something that triggers a chain of private conversations that you hold with yourself. You actually zone out for a minute or two. When you return the person speaking is done.
Identifying
You must relate everything to your past experiences. You will begin talking about your own personally situation before they have finished telling you about theirs.
Advising
You are always perched and ready to solve everyone's problems. You don't wait for the complete story before you jump in with advise.
Sparring
Sparring takes on two forms. With the first form of sparring, you argue and debate with people. You focus mainly on finding things to disagree with. The second form of sparring is when you use sarcastic remarks to disclaim someone else's point of view.
Being Right
You do not listen to criticism constructive or not. You must always be right and you will go to any length to make sure you are. You find yourself shouting, making excuses or accusations to avoid being wrong.
Derailing
When you are bored or uncomfortable with a topic, you will derail the train of the conversation. This can be done in several ways but the two most common or a change of subject or by joking.
Placating
You are being nice and supportive. You want people to like you so you agree with everything. You will listen enough to get the drift of what's being discussed, but you are really not involved.